My nightmare, speaking.
It's a skill, a much needed one, that I find most difficult in my entire learning language journey. Often I can have monologue in my head and actually come up with good, long sentences but I somehow couldn't utter them out loud. I realized the phrases that I would actually use in my conversations, are phrases that I am comfortable with and are SURE of. And the reason is because I'm AFRAID to make mistakes when it comes to speaking, especially with native speakers.
I am naturally an introvert so it makes things even harder. But how else to improve speaking, if not by speaking itself? There is no other way, and to get better at speaking is ... JUST SPEAK, make mistakes and be corrected. As much as I know all this in my mind, as much as I know that native speakers would be more than happy to help or be pleased that I put so much effort in learning their language, as much as I know every experienced language learners out there saying that one MUST practice speaking despite making mistakes in order to be fluent, I STILL find it extreeeemely difficult.
When this somewhat perfectionism, anxiety, fear of failure, lack of confidence, difficulty with discomfort, feeling overwhelmed... all blending together, creating a perfect storm called PROCRASTINATION. I procrastinated. I procrastinated in my much needed speaking practice.
This was when I figured I have to do something to overcome this problem, instead of just chanting to myself "Just do it" or "It's okay to make mistakes" or "You can and have to do this" and hoping that I will start somewhere and get to fluency. I knew I had to come up with something more concrete, a detailed plan which would be less overwhelming for myself so that I can actually start practicing and not procrastinate.
Since I find it easier to converse with phrases which I am comfortable with or something that I am sure of, I get back to basics. Basics as in things that a beginner would learn. Instead of trying to say all the fancy, interesting words that I have learnt so far, I will start practicing my speaking with the basics. It's not easy, but I have to admit and acknowledge that my speaking skills is definitely not on par with my reading and writing skills. There are actually so many more phrases and interesting topics that I can and should learn from an A1 level in terms of speaking. This is the reason I am posting and reviewing topics on A1 again, even though I have already finished my A2 German course and well on my way to B1.
Another plan I have for myself is to keep repeating and practicing the basics on my own, without the presence of people around me so that I get comfortable speaking it out loud, comfortable with how it sounds and that I get more natural at saying things rather than pausing every few seconds. I know that this would probably take longer time for me to be fluent in German but in the end the competition is between me and myself. A method that works for others may not work for me, and vice versa. Let's see how this goes...
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